Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
