i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
