man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
