Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
