i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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