he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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