Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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