420 ftw
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
