Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
