She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
