ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
