You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He better not be in your backpack
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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