dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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