I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
