Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
