I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
