i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
