I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
