my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
