dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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