I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
