I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
