He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
