Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
