She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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