No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
