Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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