"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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