Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
