dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
