Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
