my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
