roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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