Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
