I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
