I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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