i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
