3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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