need another drink. this is the easiest way
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's just like the Real World with babies
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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