please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hippo gnu deer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
