i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
then he tried to convert me to islam
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
