I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
