You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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