It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
