hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
