I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
