He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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