I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
