areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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