Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
