I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
