I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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