This is not my ceiling
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
