how can u be prego again
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
