i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
