College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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