is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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