She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
