and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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